Recognizing Your Secret Powers: A Survival Guide for Introverts

Reflection and Artwork by Sebila Kratovac

Navigating my life as an introvert, I have realized that many people have the wrong idea about introversion and, to make things more confusing, even introverts don’t truly understand how they differ from extroverts. From my perspective, the biggest myth about introverts is that they don’t like social situations. For example, I love getting together with friends and talking to people that can handle my communication style, but put me in a classroom or a meeting with many talkative extroverts, I can’t wait to get out and spend some time alone.

Another common myth is that all introverts are shy. Shyness can develop from insecurity and anxiety, but many introverts actually love connecting with people and thrive in more relaxed and intimate social situations. Instead of thinking that introverts innately dislike human contact, I believe that their nervous system is wired differently and is much more sensitive to outside stimuli. With new and unfamiliar situations, introverts are easily drained of energy, needing to recharge by spending some time alone. If they are in their element - if they feel safe, seen, and valued - introverts can be the most talkative and dynamic people in the room.

Sadly, many societies don’t value introversion, especially in schools and the workplace. In Western societies in particular, it seems that extroverts are handsomely rewarded in the public sphere, while introverts, working quietly and often doing an excellent job, get passed for jobs, promotions, and other opportunities. Loudness and assertiveness are seen as competence, while diligence and quietness signal weakness.

I was recently watching a YouTube coaching session with Chris Do, a graphic designer and an incredible design educator at The Futur, and his self-proclaimed introvert client, Rebecca Heinemann. In the video called Secret Power of Introverts - Being A Great Listener ep. 4, Chris turns the table around on introverts because he gets Rebecca to see that, instead of believing that something is wrong with her, she can embrace the way she is and let introversion work for her. As Rebecca talks about her reluctance to approach people and engage in small talk, Chris challenges her to connect with people from an empowered state of mind. Our beliefs are powerful and thinking that we are worth engaging with calms the nervous system down and helps us have a fulfilling exchange with another person. If we start seeing introversion as an asset, we can even feel excited about networking and doing business.

As an introvert himself, Chris talks about being in design meetings with a room full of extroverts talking over each other and feeling petrified to speak up and assert himself. This is where he learned about his superpowers as an introvert. After a particularly intense meeting, his boss noticed that he was quiet and asked him his opinion on the presentation. Chris answered with a very thoughtful and cohesive strategy on how to improve a design discussed at the meeting. From then on, his boss always knew where to go for smart advice. This important experience taught Chris that his power lies in being an excellent listener, soaking up all the information, and giving himself time to think about everyone’s and his own opinion to formulate a win-win scenario for the design team. For me, listening lets us “see into” people and connect on a much deeper level that allows us to understand others and their needs. In workplaces and personal relationships, this quality is priceless.

Chris discovered his second superpower as he started valuing himself more. Since everyone stopped to listen to him when he did talk, his words weighed a lot and he could transform the vibe in a room as he wished. Because people responded to him positively, he realized that he has power to shape energy around him. Chris also discovered that his tendency to think deeply and have a rich inner life gave him an incredible manifesting ability. He could visualize what he wanted and was usually able to see it come to fruition. When he was living through situations that he clearly pictured in his mind, he felt a sense of déjà vu, as if he had experienced the same situation before. Through empowering himself, Chris was eventually able to show up in the world with confidence and, using his empathetic traits, has helped many people including Rebecca to thrive in life and business. In fact, serving others and showing them how they can cultivate confidence has been his greatest fulfillment and his most cherished superpower.  

So, what are some practical steps that other introverts can take to tap into their superpowers? Chris suggests to Rebecca that the first step is to accept herself as she is an to stop caring about what others think. Appreciating ourselves and believing that there is nothing wrong with us is important so that we can feel relaxed enough to let go of control in social situations. The second step is to commit to making important changes in our life and see introversion as an asset rather than an excuse to limit ourselves. With commitment to change, we can start getting out of our comfort zone every single day. It is a good idea to ask a friend or hire a coach to hold us accountable for accomplishing our goals. Lastly, Chris encourages Rebecca to trust the transformation process and to go with it even though he sees that she is resistant to some of the advice he is giving her. In my experience, resistance is a sign that I am confronting something important and that I should examine how I feel about what I am resisting. Is it something that will benefit me in the long run? Am I resisting change because of fear or because the change is not aligned with my desires?

I am not at all surprised that introverts are well-represented in creative fields since thoughtfulness and introspection are very conducive to creativity. I often marvel at the courage it takes for artists to put their work out there for everyone to judge. It is truly a paradox since artists tend to be the most resistant to this kind of social exposure. There must be something about introversion that helps artists deeply connect with their audience. I believe it is their ability to be alone, to feel the depths of their emotions, to be intimately familiar with their own inner landscape which they can energetically transmit to the audience. Interestingly, many performers note that they experience a high after a play or a concert because they feel that they become one with the audience through an equal exchange of energy. The superpower to merge with others is another important introvert superpower. This superpower allows introverts to receive energy that is freely given to them and to give out energy that they desire to share with others. Extroverts, of course, have many incredible superpowers as well. The big question is, will the West finally recognize the riches of the subtle introvert? 

Lessons in Stumbling on a Creative Path

Reflection and Artwork by Sebila Kratovac

My confidence as an artist and my self-worth as a human being has been tested many times in my life but a memory from my eleventh-grade art class comes to mind very vividly. In high school, art classes were my only refuge from feeling like an alien in the American Deep South. I loved drawing, painting, and sculpting and remember only feeling joyful in art classes. In this particular art class however, I had a teacher who very much disliked my art. Despite not being supported by this teacher, I decided to enter a high school art competition that year. The teacher was shocked and displeased when my painting received an honorable mention. This happened to me again in graduate school for science, where I was discouraged and unsupported by my “advisors” but I still continued to go forward and eventually got great feedback from other people who were more receptive to what I was trying to do.

So many of us hear our calling to create – an urge which is deeply connected to our joy and soul purpose. It can be heartbreaking to discover that others don’t recognize our great potential and passion for what we want to do. In a recent episode of her podcast Magic Lessons called "Who Gets To Decide Whether You're A Legitimate Artist?", Elizabeth Gilbert interviews Cecilia, a young poet whose love for poetry was tested when she tried to apply for MFA programs in poetry. Despite writing poetry from youth and loving the process, Cecilia stopped writing after all the schools she applied to didn’t admit her. She felt absolutely crushed and conflicted because she saw herself as a talented poet while the “experts” didn’t feel the same way. How was she to trust herself ever again? Luckily, Gilbert, a writer of the beloved book Eat, Pray, Love, who went through her fair share of criticism, gave Cecilia some great advice on how to continue committing to her craft.

First, Gilbert compassionately reminded the young poet that she doesn’t need anyone’s permission to do what she loves – no teacher, no “expert”, no parents, no friends, no one but herself. She gave Cecilia an assignment to create her own diploma so that she can give herself permission to continue writing poetry and to think of herself as a poet. To me, the handmade diploma is a symbol for our faith in ourselves and commitment to staying true to what lights us up. Many now-famous artists and writers have had to overcome ridicule and constant rejections. Gilbert’s second guest, poet and spiritual adviser Mark Depo, gives a striking example of the celebrated American author Herman Melville. When Melville presented his book Moby Dick to the world, he was laughed at, shamed, and banished from his writing community. Melville even stopped writing for a while. Today, Moby Dick is considered by many as a masterpiece and one of the greatest books of all time. The impressionistic painter Vincent van Gogh found himself in a very similar situation. Despite being rejected by his peers and never selling a painting in his lifetime, he continued to paint passionately until his death. Nowadays, he is one of the most revered and loved painters because people from all walks of life recognize something very special about his art. No critic can take the magic away from what he created. Gilbert goes on to highlight the importance of looking into history to feel that we are a part of a larger and timeless network of creative people that went through the same struggles but persevered.

In essence, the experience we go through when we are rejected is a path of self-acceptance and of living a life we desire despite all outside forces telling us otherwise. The final advice that Gilbert gives Cecilia is to focus on writing her poetry without the pressure of putting her work out there for one full year. This advice may seem counter-intuitive or even crazy but when we are not pressured to put out artwork that gets likes on social media or approval from critics, we finally may be able to let go of resistance enough to start creating what we want. Even seeing that we are more productive can improve our self-esteem. The bonus comes when we realize that we have accomplished what we never thought we could and that we created work we are really proud of. From this empowered state, putting our work out there when we are ready might not feel as scary since our worth would no longer be tied to what others say about our art. In Cecilia’s case, there are many reasons why she wasn’t admitted into graduate school including that it just wasn’t the right time for her. She could have been scared to send in her most-cherished poems because of her need to fit in. Now that she can have time and space to work on her poetry and strengthen her confidence, she may not even feel compelled to go to graduate school after all. Situations that to us seem crushing, can teach us to believe in our own worth and to project this confidence into the world, releasing our dependence on the outside world to tell us who we should be.

I wonder what compelled me to defy my art teacher and believe in myself enough to enter the high school art competition. Maybe it was my rebellious nature which loves to prove wrong those who think that there is the right way to create art, or possibly my intuitive knowing that art is my calling, that gave me the courage to stand up for myself. The golden thread that I see running through Cecilia’s and my own life experience is the necessity to stick to doing what we love and what sounds true to us. Through committing to our truth, we can develop unshakable confidence, even if it is at first a symptom of our defiance. As we embody confidence, we can attract other people to us who truly appreciate what we do. We are then supported for who we are, not for what others expect from us. I am reminded of one of my favorite artists, Kate Bush, who decided to introduce herself to the world with the song Wuthering Heights. Everyone in the music industry said that the song would end her career before it started. She could have debuted with a pop song but she knew that she wouldn’t be speaking to an audience that would support her authentic self. Wuthering Heights, as strange and alien as it was to untrained ears used to pop music, became Bush’s most iconic song and inspired many artists in the 80s and beyond to embrace the unusual.

August: Creating A Difference

I think a lot about what it means to “change the world.” This idea that I could change the world was a theme from a young age reinforced by supportive people, the books I loved to read, the movies I loved to watch and the work environments I gravitated toward. I’ve been both inspired and overwhelmed, energized and completely burnt out on my journey of learning what it means for me to “be the change.” And now, with so much energy going into starting my own business, I am wondering about it in a whole other way with a whole new perspective.

Because of all of these experiences and phases of my life, I have come to really love that this question can be pondered and applied in as many ways as there are human beings on this planet. And I have found that most people are pondering it on one level or another. Some devote their careers, some devote their free time, some see ways to weave it into their daily life in ways big or small. I think it is a part of being human.

I am currently writing this from a little town in New Mexico where I am staying with a creative community who has a strong mission to be of service. You can feel it in how they receive you as a guest, their generous nature, warm smiles, nourishing food and meaningful activities. Upon arrival, I felt a belonging, an acceptance, a yearning to give as much service as I could in return.

As the same time, there is not a sense of exhaustion and no sign of a rat race. Their is a lot of joy in creating and being together and finding ways to bring that into the world. It is inspiring at this time in my life where I think about the balance, where I practice aligning with purpose on a daily basis, where I wonder how I might expand my gifts to reach a little further. And, then, I delightfully imagine what the world could be like if we all just expanded our gifts from a place of joy and togetherness.…

If you would like to investigate these exciting possibilities, I invite you to join us for Creating A Difference, a creative online retreat on August 24th from 10 am - 12 pm CT. It is an opportunity for each of us to contemplate how we can expand our impact in authentic and fun ways whether you are an activist, stay at home mom, corporate employee, entrepreneur, retired, student, etc. Hope to see you there!

July: Creative Courage

I have always loved the quote, “Creativity takes courage,” by Henri Matisse. And, now (thanks to Dawn Ali) it even sits in a beautiful frame on my desk!

Creativity is an innate part of being human.  We are all Native Creatives. Even people who do not identify as “creative” leak it out in how they cook a meal, present a new idea, craft a new beer…

So why do so many hesitate to call themselves creative and why does creativity require such courage?

I was listening to Dare to Lead by Brene Brown and, in a part of her research, she asked people to tell a story of being shamed from their childhood.  Half of the participants shared a shame story around creativity!  

Someone told them they couldn’t draw, a teacher said they would never be a professional dancer, a family member ridiculed them for writing poetry, etc.  I have been told countless similar stories by people throughout the years and it broke my heart every time.

I view creativity as the natural expression of the soul.  And that expression is never meant to be judged or compared to another’s expression. Period.  If a person wants to play with a new process or learn a technique, awesome. But art-making isn’t just for artists.

I have taught art for many years and, for me, it was about recognizing each student’s expression.  And encouraging them to keep doing so in a joyful way as a means of seeing and understanding themselves and their world and sharing it with others.  When a child asks you if something they drew is good, the majority of the time it is not an invitation to tell them about their technique or how it compares to some famous artist. What they really mean is, “Do you see me?  Do you see what I felt in my heart and experienced in my imagination?”

This brings me to another reason why creativity takes courage.  You are sharing your heart. You are offering up your soul. You are putting forth, sometimes with shaking knees and trembling hands, an idea or product or creation that came from inside you.  And it is now in a space outside of you where others can judge it or reject it or ignore it or want to change it…

It can trigger so many of our fears, bring up insecurities and stimulate copious amounts of negative self-talk.  The judges on the outside just reflect the judges in our own head and make them louder.

For these reasons and more, it’s easy to see why many folks feel creatively blocked or think they just don’t have it to begin with.  Yet, in every one I have ever met, I have always seen the desire to create. It may be the quietest of whispers, but it is there as long as someone is breathing.  And in some of us, the urge is a raging river that we have to learn how to bravely ride. 

Why though? Why does creativity persist?

Because at our core, we are creators.  We are a part of creation. A creative process brought our very being into this world and that capacity lives on within us. It doesn’t just go away. Harnessing that power to literally manifest things for ourselves and others is deeply satisfying soul work. 

Whether you create art, a business, a child, a meal, it is a process of growth, of becoming more than you once were.  You are creating yourself as you create. You become more of your best self as you sift through unknowns, learn through failure and experience sweet moments of clarity.  Then, you get to stand back to view what you just made in amazement because it came from inside you - because it now exists when it once did not - because somehow, along the way, it fulfilled innate human yearnings to be seen, heard, understood and connected to something bigger.

Creativity is innate and it is a tool we all need to nurture for our self-development, professional development and change agent toolbox.  So, how do you become more empowered as a creator?

First of all, if you don’t identify as a creative, I invite you to start.  You become what you decide to be. It all starts with thinking and saying, “I am creative.”  We are all natives in the land of creativity.

Then, I encourage everyone to actually make a list of the ways you are creative.  Where did you put a bit of soul into something? When did you stir up something in your imagination?  How did you try something in a new way? You will be astounded to see all the ways this part of yourself is flowing out each day. 

Lastly, take a moment to dissect what that process is like for you.  What inspires you? What environment nurtures your process? How do you like to capture it? What do you need from other people? How do you best express it? All of that is a part of your unique expression and path of creation. Maybe you want to create something artistic. Maybe you want to create a new lifestyle. Maybe you want to create a new procedure that is more efficient.  No matter what it is, your creative process can unlock it for you.

If you need any help, I am always an email, message, or phone call away if you want support in achieving your creative dreams.  You can become a Patron on Patreon and for just $12 for the year, you will receive tools to empower as well.  

I hope you know see just how much that word “creative” encompasses and embrace this power inside of you for your highest purpose and the highest good of all.  I would love to know what this makes you think about in the comments below.